November 12th...Last night on board

As we reach the end of this trip, I'm excited. I've had time today to reflect on everything about this excursion. I just want to share some random thoughts to help me continue to sort through it all and give a feel for what it was like for me, at least.

The common spirit with practically everyone on board was evident. Seeing so many women in what was somehow still able to be an intimate setting, worshipping God together, was beautiful. I sat at one concert looking around at all the ladies, wishing I had time to sit down with each one of them; hear their stories, drink in their wisdom. It struck me, though, that one day I will be able to do just that. It gave me a clearer picture and greater longing for eternity! The atmosphere here has been wonderful -- imagine being surrounded by each other on the other side when we are transformed, when we have all the time and more and love each other perfectly.

The messages this week have had a common theme for me -- there were many "subtitles" but the general message to my heart was surrender. I am still trying to recall all I have heard and learned. Though life had been rather stressful right before I left and the actual trip has included moments of inner struggle, I feel I am returning with a little more emotional energy for whatever lies ahead. I am so thankful for God blessing the beginning of taking my "hands off the wheel" before I left: He caused this trip to happen now, even though we planned it in May, knowing I'd need it. My cell phone wouldn't even work -- another blessing but really hard at first! It's been good for me. I've been in a different world, far removed from the life of every-day. I feel rather like I've been in Narnia or something...that I'm going back to my world and will find no time has gone by at all. I am amazed at the peace I feel. I left with a very real hurting in my heart; a pain that comes from cutting strings God tells you to cut. It's a confusing yet comforting feeling. I am returning home a little more healed-feeling. I have a huge peace that I have truly begun to hand over those desires to Him to do with as He chooses. His plans are not mine and finally my heart believes they are better. His plans are always best but it seems I have to re-learn that with each situation. What a gift to hear His voice. Even the pain is a gift of grace.

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I've been home a few days now. I have never felt more like I've been awakened from a dream, realized I had slept a little late, and hit the ground running. Did I really go on a cruise this time last week? Wow. Life is so crazy sometimes.

I am so glad to be back home. I missed everyone horribly and appreciate them even more now. I missed Tennessee, too. Even Halls! After traveling through four other states and another country I am reminded of how beautiful this place is. There was beauty elsewhere, of course -- but there's no place like home! My "sophisticated sister" rolls her eyes when I say such things. Call me a country girl if you want -- from what I've seen elsewhere, I rather like that description!

I returned with extra emotional energy, indeed. And God knew I would need it. He has done much "surgery" on my heart these last few weeks. I feel like the cruise was some recuperating time. But, because of the immenseness of His love, He has continued working, calling me deeper into the waters. I pray I will keep my eyes on Him and keep my mind on the fact that I may be going deeper and farther away from my precious idols and comforts on the shore, but I am drawing closer and closer to Him...and His open arms!

I am still trying to sort through my whole reaction to Nassau. I know my heart hurt when I saw the multi-million dollar homes along the fairly-tale-like beaches, and the enormous, elegant hotels....when literally down the street people lived in shacks. These people beg for work. Children roam the streets. I felt disgust at the attitudes of some, the smells, the comments from idle men -- but I want to have compassion. There are settings and people, just as I've described, everywhere. Right here in our wonderful Tennessee. I don't want to be repulsed or even feel pity -- I want to love. I want my heart to emulate Jesus' when He came into contact with such as this. I want to choose to be around these people, as He did. The sin in my heart was so clear and for some reason, shocking. I've never thought I had/would have trouble loving people like this. I'm the one that wants so badly to go on foreign mission trips -- and I can't even go into the Bahamas without feeling the urge to run away?! It's true, I've never been exposed to that type of culture so "up-close and personal." I wasn't expecting to on this trip, either. But I am so thankful that God planned it for me. I pray He will use it in my heart in the fullest sense.

With that, I will close about my trip. It was actually an adventure in many ways.....including the fact that in my excitement to pack the night before we left, I placed mine and my sister's birth certificates in a "miscellaneous" suitcase and sent it ahead with all the other luggage which we would be reunited with when we EXITED the terminal. Ya know, they don't like it when you go through U.S. Customs with only a pitiful driver's license. Oh well. We knew we would have at least one Lucy/Ethel experience. We picked a good one!

I pray you all are well. I missed you all: can't wait to talk with each one of you.

Blessings!!

November 11th: Nassau...what a trip.

Yesterday we woke up, ate breakfast in the dining room and left the boat. When we walked off the, the sight was enough to thrill your soul. True, I've felt a bit "closed in" so I might have been fine had they let us out in the middle of a fish yard. Thankfully it was a beautiful port: brightly-colored covered walkways and buildings, various smaller boats on one side, two huge cruiser vessels on the other. The best part was the pristine water, the elegant palm trees, the whole "beachy" feel. After a confusing gathering of information regarding transportation we found a water taxi to take us to Paradise Isand to go to the beach. Oce there, we walked for what felt like miles. I think we missed the shortest way somehow, but we had a scenic route and eventually reached a pathway leading to the beach. As the shore came into view my spirit soared. When I saw the clear water rushing onto the white sandy beach and then away like a children's game of tag, I smiled. I wanted to sing. There is nothing like the beach. Nothing.

We hadn't dressed to swim since we needed to shop also. I did however immediately kick off my flip-flops and run to meet the beautiful Caribbean water. There is also nothing that compares to the sound of the waves, the salty air, and the feel of the sand between your toes. The waves were extremely fast and strong. And yes, I got too close. Yes, I got more than my feet wet. Yes, my wonderful little dress was a bit wet for the walk back. But ya know, I didn't care. I drank in the sight and feel, I found some cool little shells and a neat rock-like something. It's really interesting -- and really heavy!

We relunctantly left the beach, mainy because we weren't equipped to stay, and returned to the shops in downtown Nassau. The most obvious way I saw European influence was in the way those blessed people drive! For one, it's on the wrong side of the road. It's not different -- it's just wrong! Kinda like the fact that there is no such thing as sweet tea down here. Can you believe it?! They call a bitter, brown liquid tea! The only way to swallow it is with a whole lot of sugar and lemon stirred in -- and even then it can't really be called tea. Anyway, I'll describe those type of issues later; back to Nassau!

We located a relatively safe-looking restraunt (Subway) to grab some lunch and then proceeded to shop. We eventually located the infamous Straw Market. Oh dear. What a place. Maybe I'm just a country girl, but I've never longed to be riding a horse, galloping away through a wide, open field so much in my life! I was scared to even enter the huge tent. You kind of get the sensation you neeed to suck in your breath before you dive into the sea of people and merchandise, and hold it until you find your way out for air. The aisles were almost wide enough for two people to pass and they were lined on either side by native women selling their "treasures."

OK, I'll be honest: my first impression was "you all are sitting here yelling/begging/guilting people into buying this junk?!" Now don't get me wrong -- there were some nice items, such as the hand-woven purses and baskets, beaded jewelry, etc. And I'm a bargain shopper -- I go directly to clearance racks in stores! But the pressure, the way each woman made me feel like a heel (well, ok, after the first 10 I got over it) was too much. The closeness, the rudeness, the price-bartering -- I couldn't take it. I found things I hoped family back home would appreciate and I announced that I would be outside in the not-so-fresh air, waiting patiently. My grandmother was fine with leaving with me but Blake stared at me in shock and told me she wanted to explore more aisles. I informed the back of her head, since she was already walking away from me, that there was the same blame stuff on every aisle. Oh well, to each his/her own. She could swim through that place all day if she wanted -- I left. I wasn't too worried about leaving her alone seeing as how no one could grab her and run or anything since you can only move approximately 2 steps every 5 minutes. She eventually surfaced only to head to Starbucks while I was talking to someone. When I didn't find her with my my grandmother and heard where she went, I followed to be sure she made it alright. If you survive crossing the street there is the next biggest fear: the men with questionable intent. I'll just say that a few sights and some things that were said make me wish I could shower the remembrance away as I did the sand and city smell. When Blake exited the coffee shop with her prize, we headed for the ship: cameras, purses, bags (and rocks) in tow. I wanted to run ahead and kiss the side of that boat, I was so glad to see it! But my legs were too tired to walk any further than I had to.

I don't mean to paint a horrible picture of Nassau...or maybe I do...but it really has some great points. Personally, I would have skipped the "shopping" and stayed at that awesome beach!
We 3 exhausted musketeers cleaned up and dressed for dinner. I only ordered what I knew this time, making it much more enjoyable. The waiters all performed for us: singing, dancing, the works. It's so sad to think about leaving because we've gotten very attached to these precious people. After we left the dining room we headed to the line waiting to get in to hear Sandi Patti sing and Karen Kingsbury speak. What an evening! Sandi Patti may have been around a long time but gracious! that woman can still sing like crazy! It was a great time of worship and Karen Kingsbury's message was awesome once again. She is the same sweet, loving, heartfelt, passionate woman in person as she is on stage. I was the only one in line with her this morning in the breakfast line and she remembered me from our quick (but emotional) meeting the night before. She communicates with her eyes, body language and words that she really cares about you. So genuine and loving; the kind of woman I would love to be around just to soak in her wisdom and grace, to emulate. She writes fictional books but they are truly life-changing. Her heart comes out in her writing. I have yet to read one of her books and not cry at least a quarter of the time. I am so thankful for God blessing this world with women like her with a heart for Him and His people.

The evening, which was Veterans' day, concluded with Sandi Patti singing the Star Spangled Banner (wow!) and Karen Kingsbury playing Lonestar's music video, "I'm Already There." Talk about grateful, heart-wrenching tears.

It was a great evening.

November 10th: Freeport....and how we enjoyed it on board

It's hard to believe that in the morning we will be disembarking and headed home. I'm excited to go home; I've missed family and friends so much. Yet I am grieving the end of this glorious time. Yes, this is the same person writing this as the one who wrote the pathetic, homesick saga last night. That aspect was very real then...and still true now, just dimmed a bit. I was tired -- and grumpy. My nerves were rather raw after the Nassau trip...

But before I "go there" I'll tell you about the docking in Freeport. It was great to see land after our first long stretch at sea -- but no so impressive as to leave ship! The half-day in Freeport, where many passengers did explore, was for us a lovely day of relaxing. We had breakfast in our room, leisurely readied ourselves for our grand appearance on the main deck, and spent time soaking up some sun. Ah, there's nothing quite like reading and writing on a sunny ship deck, sea air blowing, now-turquoise water sparkling all around.

We enjoyed lunch on the Lido deck dining area and then lay by the pool for a time. (I know, it's exhausting to think about.)

I suppose we all have little secrets about ourselves that no one would suspect based on personality, family, background, etc. It's not that we are necessarily trying to hide such things, they are simply a little surprising -- or shocking, whatever the case may be -- to others. I guess in a simple way this just proves perceptions, family, pasts, really do not define us.
Well, it all began when I saw a girl and guy from the cruise line open up a little booth near the pool for (should I say it?) tattoos. Now, before anyone disowns me (and I won't mention any names, Dad) they were doing airbrush tattoo art. I couldn't help it; I had to go watch. There were some really cute designs on sample pages along with some nothing-close-to-cute ones. I asked how long they lasted (5 days or so), how much it cost ("too much" according to my grandmother) and then somehow ended up talking to the guy about his home (Romania). He was friendly, sweet, cute, charming.....but somehow still not cocky; he kinda tugged at your heart. Anyway, he said he was returning to the ship he works on (another cruise ship in port with us) very soon, so if I didn't hurry he couldn't do it for me. I returned to my pool-side lounge anyway. That little something nudging you to do something weird...have fun... live a little... kept calling to me. Finally, after I had several count down signals from the friendly artist, I stood up, walked purposefully over there and pointed to the butterfly I wanted (well, ok, the cheapest one anyway). He told me to pick a larger one so it would last longer and have more detail and he would do that and the colors of my choice with no extra charge.
So yes. I now write this with a lovely little "monarch" butterfly on my right shoulder blade. I love butterflies. I love their "story," what they represent. Now I can think about that every time I see......my back. Hmm. Well, that's what mirrors are for, right?!

That evening we returned to our cabin in plenty of time to dress for the formal dinner. We were like three little girls playing dress-up. Blake, of course, was most excited because she wore her new formal gown. She looked like a queen walking around ship. Directly afterwards we went to hear Shaunti Feldhan speak. Before she began, I spotted Michael O'Brien standing in the middle of the lounge with almost no one around him. Totally out of character for me, I headed toward him and apologetically asked if he would mind being in a picture with my sister and me. He was so gracious about it -- even when my grandmother couldn't figure out how to work my camera right away.

Oh, I almost forgot! Speaking of doing things unusual, at dinner I decided to be adventurous. I ordered something that I still am unsure of, for an appetizer. It was awful. I provided entertainment, however, because as I tasted it, the table of ladies next to us erupted with laughter. I didn't know I was being watched and the face I made must have been humorous. The salad after that was safe, but I thought I would be extra brave and try something I've always wondered about: duck. Well, now I know! I kept thinking about those that swim in the local pond -- and you should leave the nasty things there, if you ask me!

The time listening to Shaunti later was awesome. She is such a wise woman. She writes columns for newspapers and has authored several books, two of which are "For Women Only" and "For Men Only," the latter co-authored with her husband. I took notes like crazy and pray to write these truths on my heart so that, if God so directs, I may love my future husband as he longs to be. Like I long to do.

The evening was topped off for me by us going to the top deck to take pictures in the dark. The ever-present wind blew our carefully fixed hair completely out of place and my dramatic side came completely out as well. I stood at the rail, as far up and out on the edge as I could, my arms spread wide as I leaned over the black water rushing by. This is probably one of the only times this week that I have been glad I watched The Titanic. (Remember that part?? *sigh*) Oh, the feeling was heavenly. I longed for someone I love to share the romantic atmosphere with. I was content though. My Father and I had a beautiful time.

We attended the midnight buffet display complete with ice sculpture. It was impressive, all of it. But it was still just food. Maybe that's cynical, but it wasn't worth waiting in line for so long, it was 1:30am, and I was ready to sleep. I fell asleep (back at the room, thankfully) so fast that I don't think I had any "last thoughts" or even dreams that I remember.

But I think I probably dreamed of leaning over the edge of a mighty cruiser as it effortlessly sailed through the majestic Caribbean sea. Stars, close enough to touch; clear enough to take your breath. A heavenly Father holding me close...while the one He brought to me for life held my hand and praised our majestic, tender God with me.

Another prayer

Father,
I'm homesick. I'm emotional. I'm tired. I need You to hold me. I feel myself wanting to hide...physically! I can't take this "life" for very long. The messages have been amazing; the ways You have spoken to my heart are priceless. I am so thankful! Yet why do I have this horrible longing at the same time? I wonder if it isn't because I still have a sense, despite the beauty and blessing, that this time is rather unrealistic, that the day-to-day living, the "regular" ups and downs, joys and sufferings, are real life. They are what I want to go back to, to practice these new truths I've learned.

Even as I write this, I hear You speaking. This daily living I'm speaking of isn't real life either, is it?! It's familiar, it is real, but the Life You are holding, the one to come, the everlasting one, is true Life. You see that. Oh, how I long for that day - that eternity - even more now. Thank You for the parallel. The real picture. Strengthen me now and hold me.
I love You, Father.

A Prayer

Father,
When I stepped out on the deck this morning, my breath literally caught in my throat. All I could see was sparkling, blue water -- truly as far as the eye can see. The strong, warm breeze blew my hair around, the sun kissed my face and the salt air filled my senses.
Beauty. Majesty. These two words came to mind. Various verses in Psalms come to mind as well. Just a glimpse of your power and creativity overwhelmed me. Thank You, Father. Such an awesome God telling me "good morning" in such a personal way causes my heart to rejoice and marvel. Please keep amazing me. Keep speaking. Keep overwhelming my heart.
I love You.

A verse

Father,
Seeing "up close" in a new way the power in the wind and sea, I love this verse even more:

"So the men marveled, saying, 'Who can this be, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?'"

Not only did You create them, You control them. They "obey" You!

November 9th: First day aboard ship

Yesterday we began our final leg of the journey to Jacksonville, FL. After leaving the hotel in Darien, Ga., we traveled a short ways to the ship dock and began the boarding process around 12:00pm. We (eventually) boarded, ate lunch, and my grandmother won the drawing for a free massage. Blake (my sister) gladly accepted the transfer of the certificate and stood in line to schedule it for the evening. We spent a while on the main deck as the boat set sail, around 4:00pm. Shortly before, we had a safety drill where they demonstrated how to put on a lifejacket in the "unlikely event of an emergency" and explained where to go and what the alarm sounded like if such an "event" occured.
I never should have watched The Titanic.

We were distracted from such encouraging thoughts, however, as we went back to our cabin and prepared for the evening meal. Once we found our assigned dining room and were seated, the head waiter seated two other women at the same table. It was a lively meal. For one, the ship began to shift gears as we picked up more speed in the open waters. The motor was directly beneath our table -- nevermind that we were on the 9th deck. The vibration, coupled with the increase in motion, certainly made you remember you were on a boat! The conversation was also very exciting. Our table companions were sisters, 2 years apart in age; one a gentle, passionate, conservative Christian and the other a hillarious, free-thinking, muslim. The latter sat beside my grandmother and her sister sat next to me. It was entertaining to say the least -- and inspiring. Inspiring to love and pray this precious lady into Jesus' arms. Inspiring to see the faith her sister has of this happening. I'm so thankful there's no such thing as coincidences. Life has so much excitement and opportunity and beauty when we remember that.

The meal was delicious, the table setting overwhelming, the waiters extremely attentive and proffessional. From the dining room we went to the Astoria lounge to hear Brother's Keeper in concert. They are such a gifted, heart-felt, passionate group of guys. I plan to buy a CD today. All of the songs they sang were great...two in particular brought tears and thankful praise from my heart. I will post the lyrics to one later but for now it will suffice ot say the words were straight from God's heart to mine. So appropriate, so beautiful.

After the concert concluded and we enjoyed a short appearance by George and Laura Bush (impersonators, of course), Blake and I proceeded to the Island in the Sky room to hear Karen Kingsbury speak. That woman is amazing. The heart and gifts God has given her are beautiful and reach and impact so many lives. She spoke on victory in life's battles, the heart of our Father and our own hearts during those battles. More tears. More praise.

I was exhausted in most every way by this point and promptly went to bed. I volunteered to sleep on the pullman bed; the vibration, felt even more when you're on something hanging from a wall, lulled me to sleep. I think I fell asleep praying...it was so fast I can't remember. I just know I had no idea what to expect the next day...and I love that!